| i just needed to write.
i havnt posted in the longest time.
things have changed.
things have changed indeed.
i dont even know where to begin.
i'm not too sure how to start off.
i have so much to say, but i feel like i'm limited to words.
i'm trying to make this work, but i'm almost positive i'm failing.
in a way i'm not failing though.
in a way i'm pushing myself to a brighter day; or so i think.
i can make myself happy; i'm really trying.
i dont think i've made a mistake.
i really wouldnt take anything back.
i just hope i'm not the regret.
~Rosiie~
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| currently listening to metro station. "make believe" on repeat.
it's pretty much as bad as when i kept "glycerine" - bush on repeat.
so, i just really need to vent. get shit off my chest. ::sigh::
i dont wanna be mad anymore. i wanna be over it && have some respect tossed back to me.
teresa - i dont get why you hate me so much now. if anything, i should probably hate you; since you went from my best friend to an ex friend who is now dating my ex. i feel like i had to work so hard just to be your friend, but u befriend zach like nothing. you actually spoke to him && everything. i feel betrayed by you. i really do. && now you hang out with all of my old friends. they were once the closest people to me, && you && zach have stolen them from me. that may not be the facts, but its how i feel. && i know i didnt make your life so easy. i know how much you looked up to me && i was always flattered. i was. && i never meant to be mean with you sometimes. but we were like sisters, && sisters get annoyed with each other. especially when the other one is too shy to speak. so, i'm sorry for not treating you like a better friend. but i never disowned you.
zach - i know you hate me. && i understand. do i blame you? no, i don't. but do you understand why i went so long hating you too? you lied straight to my face when you said you didnt like teresa. you lied straight to my face when you said you stopped smoking weed. && when you were super drunk && puked everywhere && all over me, did i leave you behind? NO! && i hope you remember that. i am sorry about what i did to you, the whole angelo thing. i'm fully responsible for that && i understand, but do i understand maybe why i did that? how our relationship was failing? how i felt so distant from you? && no, it wasnt your fault. it was both of ours. && i know i made it sound like all of your fault. && once again, i'm sorry. but did you have to make life so miserable by making everyone feel sorry for you? by reminding me everyday how i drove you to depression? i never intended to hurt you. but i'm done apologizing. you hated me hanging with ang, but you'd turn around && call him right now to hang. you always werent strong enough to say something && grow some balls. && when u finally did it was too late. now you spend your time with the people that once completed my life. they were MY best friends. but now you've taken them away from me. i want you to know that.
angelo - you were my best friend. i told everything to you. we watched every movie together. we took naps together. we had pj breakfast mornings. i couldnt have imagined my life without you, but here i am...without you. i did have feelings for you at one point. i told you && i was honest. i never lied to you. i was always up front. but did you expect me to just jump into your arms after the horrible break up with zach? yes, you did. but i told you otherwise. && then the day you took me out of my car, held my hands as it snowed all around us, with everyone watching you asked me to be your girlfriend. some people may say that was romantic, i call it being an ass. you asked me out infront of all of our friends, && my ex. i think you thought i wouldnt turn you down since it was infront of everyone, but i had to. after what had happened, i knew we could never be together, && i'm sorry for that. were you unfair afterwards? yes. && you know it. did we end up being friends again? yes. was it awkward? yes. but i never stopped giving up. but you did. && you made that clear.
alyssa - you must be my #1 shittiest friend that i have ever had. but i know it was unintentional. but you did hurt me && us forever. we can never be friends again && you know that. i did back bends for you. i gave you a second home && you walked all over me && said fuck you to me && went off with that shit hole ex boyfriend of yours. i'm trying to forgive, but it's hard. especially when you tried to get everyone against me, when it was all your wrong doing. i just wish that you could man up && admit it. but you're stubborn, && i know you never will. && i've accepted it. i just want you to know that you will forever miss me more than i will ever miss you.
emily - i know you didnt wanna see me after graduation. when your family wanted us to take the picture. i know i faked that smile, && i know u did to. not because u were mad at me, but because you knew what a bad friend you had been to me the last few months of school. i know you said that you cried && did everything you could when lukas && anthony set me up in beauty && the beast. but how come the next day && for the rest of the year you stayed by lukas's side? && you sang songs from the musical while i was around && talked about how much fun you all had. no wonder why i left the lunch table. i kept all of your secrets, && still do. i would have gone to the ends of the earth for you, but not anymore. once again, we can never be friends again. i know you know this. i wish you'd apologize or admit what you did. && i know that if you read this you would. because you really are a good person. i've always known that. you're not the bitch you make yourself out to be when you're with the fabulous's.
lukas - i wish i knew what i have ever done to you. what you && anthony did to me was horrible && unforgivable. i'm trying to forgive, but how can i when i dont even understand why you guys did it? you turned into a mean person && you know it. you're rude && quite the bitch && you're proud of it. but i remember the old lukas. who'd spike his hair with read gel && secretly listened to celine dion. the old lukas who never wanted to fight, but make peace. but hey, people change && thats fine, but you never had to become so hateful.
i dont know if it's necessary for me to say anything else to anyone. especially since i know they wont be reading this. unless it gets passed along. && i dont care if it does. maybe these people should read it. i just needed to let this all out.
~Rosiie~
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| I'm trying to keep my xanga alive.
omg it's been forever since doing this.
i have nothing to write right now, i just wanna keep it alive.
~Rosiie~
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| jimmy is so beautiful..
i swear.
~Rosiie~
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| sorry i abandoned you xanga
life is odd
life is rough
...
ugh
tell me something i dont know
~Rosiie~
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